sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
