Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
