I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Randomize
