Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
