We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
