i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Two words: blizzard sex
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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