I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
