you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
