Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
