the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Just cropdusted the office
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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