I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
this will be a night to untag.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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