He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Randomize
