you turned your livingroom into a bong?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
