i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
So much rum. So many feels.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
