But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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