Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
it glows. i had to have it.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
