I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Randomize
