Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
