if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
