C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
