I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
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