She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
