trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
