White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
even my farts smell like vagina
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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