he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
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