So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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