i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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