Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
