my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
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