wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Randomize
