my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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