maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Let's get the cat blown out
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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