A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
