By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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