so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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