The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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