My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
