No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
