life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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