I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
