After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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