Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
