We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
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