Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
