I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
