Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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