im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize