I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
