are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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