I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
