So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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