Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
