I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
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