Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Hippo gnu deer
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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