Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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