dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Sober January is a disaster.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
