I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
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I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
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Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
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