if i can run in heels then i can drive
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
