bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
