I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
