gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
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I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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