school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
