You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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