I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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