we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
