Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
