I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
