Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
