dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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