My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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