you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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