i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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