I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Randomize
