dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
