I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize