You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
My brain says no but my pants say off.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
